diff --git a/Vagrantfile b/Vagrantfile
index a8b4c59..4d27762 100644
--- a/Vagrantfile
+++ b/Vagrantfile
@@ -4,19 +4,18 @@ Vagrant.configure(2) do |config|
 
   # We use Ubuntu instead of Debian because the image comes with two-way
   # shared folder support by default.
-  UBUNTU = 'bento/ubuntu-16.04'
+  UBUNTU = 'hashicorp/bionic64'
 
-  # The main VM is the one used for development and testing.
-  config.vm.define(:exa, primary: true) do |config|
+  config.vm.define(:exa) do |config|
     config.vm.provider :virtualbox do |v|
       v.name = 'exa'
       v.memory = 2048
-      v.cpus = 2
+      v.cpus = `nproc`.chomp.to_i
     end
 
     config.vm.provider :vmware_desktop do |v|
       v.vmx['memsize'] = '2048'
-      v.vmx['numvcpus'] = '2'
+      v.vmx['numvcpus'] = `nproc`.chomp
     end
 
     config.vm.box = UBUNTU
@@ -562,47 +561,4 @@ Vagrant.configure(2) do |config|
       EOF
     end
   end
-
-
-  # Remember that problem that exa had where the binary wasn’t actually
-  # self-contained? Or the problem where the Linux binary was actually the
-  # macOS binary in disguise?
-  #
-  # This is a “fresh” VM that intentionally downloads no dependencies and
-  # installs nothing so that we can check that exa still runs!
-  config.vm.define(:fresh) do |config|
-    config.vm.box = UBUNTU
-    config.vm.hostname = 'fresh'
-
-    config.vm.provider :virtualbox do |v|
-      v.name = 'exa-fresh'
-      v.memory = 384
-      v.cpus = 1
-    end
-
-    # Well, we do need *one* dependency...
-    config.vm.provision :shell, privileged: true, inline: <<-EOF
-      set -xe
-      apt-get install -qq -o=Dpkg::Use-Pty=0 -y unzip
-    EOF
-
-    # This thing also has its own welcoming text.
-    config.vm.provision :shell, privileged: true, inline: <<-EOF
-      rm -f /etc/update-motd.d/*
-
-      # Capture the help text so it gets displayed first
-      bash /vagrant/devtools/dev-help-testvm.sh > /etc/motd
-
-      # Disable last login date in sshd
-      sed -i '/PrintLastLog yes/c\PrintLastLog no' /etc/ssh/sshd_config
-      systemctl restart sshd
-    EOF
-
-    # Make the checker script a command.
-    config.vm.provision :shell, privileged: true, inline: <<-EOF
-      set -xe
-      echo -e "#!/bin/sh\nbash /vagrant/devtools/dev-download-and-check-release.sh \"\\$*\"" > /usr/bin/check-release
-      chmod +x /usr/bin/check-release
-    EOF
-  end
 end
diff --git a/devtools/README.md b/devtools/README.md
index 8136bdd..29f1e65 100644
--- a/devtools/README.md
+++ b/devtools/README.md
@@ -1,5 +1,5 @@
-## exa development tools
+## exa › development tools
 
-These scripts deal with things like packaging release-worthy versions of exa and making sure the published versions actually work.
+These scripts deal with things like packaging release-worthy versions of exa.
 
-They are **not general-purpose scripts** that you’re able to run from your main computer! They’re intended to be run from the Vagrant machines — they have commands such as ‘package-exa’ or ‘check-release’ that execute them instead.
+They are **not general-purpose scripts** that you’re able to run from your main computer! They’re intended to be run from the Vagrant machine.
diff --git a/devtools/dev-download-and-check-release.sh b/devtools/dev-download-and-check-release.sh
deleted file mode 100644
index d2b89a9..0000000
--- a/devtools/dev-download-and-check-release.sh
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,51 +0,0 @@
-# This script downloads the published versions of exa from GitHub and my site,
-# checks that the checksums match, and makes sure the files at least unzip and
-# execute okay.
-#
-# The argument should be of the form “0.8.0”, no ‘v’. That version was the
-# first one to offer checksums, so it’s the minimum version that can be tested.
-
-set +x
-trap 'exit' ERR
-
-exa_version=$1
-if [[ -z "$exa_version" ]]; then
-    echo "Please specify a version, such as '$0 0.8.0'"
-    exit 1
-fi
-
-
-# Delete anything that already exists
-rm -rfv "/tmp/${exa_version}-downloads"
-
-
-# Create a temporary directory and download exa into it
-mkdir "/tmp/${exa_version}-downloads"
-cd "/tmp/${exa_version}-downloads"
-
-echo -e "\n\033[4mDownloading stuff...\033[0m"
-wget --quiet --show-progress "https://github.com/ogham/exa/releases/download/v${exa_version}/exa-macos-x86_64-${exa_version}.zip"
-wget --quiet --show-progress "https://github.com/ogham/exa/releases/download/v${exa_version}/exa-linux-x86_64-${exa_version}.zip"
-
-wget --quiet --show-progress "https://github.com/ogham/exa/releases/download/v${exa_version}/MD5SUMS"
-wget --quiet --show-progress "https://github.com/ogham/exa/releases/download/v${exa_version}/SHA1SUMS"
-
-
-# Unzip the zips and check the sums
-echo -e "\n\033[4mExtracting that stuff...\033[0m"
-unzip "exa-macos-x86_64-${exa_version}.zip"
-unzip "exa-linux-x86_64-${exa_version}.zip"
-
-echo -e "\n\033[4mValidating MD5 checksums...\033[0m"
-md5sum -c MD5SUMS
-
-echo -e "\n\033[4mValidating SHA1 checksums...\033[0m"
-sha1sum -c SHA1SUMS
-
-
-# Finally, give the Linux version a go
-echo -e "\n\033[4mChecking it actually runs...\033[0m"
-./"exa-linux-x86_64" --version
-./"exa-linux-x86_64" --long
-
-echo -e "\n\033[1;32mAll's lookin' good!\033[0m"
diff --git a/devtools/dev-generate-checksums.sh b/devtools/dev-generate-checksums.sh
deleted file mode 100644
index 0075c3f..0000000
--- a/devtools/dev-generate-checksums.sh
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,15 +0,0 @@
-# This script generates the MD5SUMS and SHA1SUMS files.
-# You’ll need to have run ‘dev-download-and-check-release.sh’ and
-# ‘local-package-for-macos.sh’ scripts to generate the binaries first.
-
-set +x
-trap 'exit' ERR
-
-cd /vagrant
-rm -f MD5SUMS SHA1SUMS
-
-echo -e "\n\033[4mValidating MD5 checksums...\033[0m"
-md5sum exa-linux-x86_64 exa-macos-x86_64 | tee MD5SUMS
-
-echo -e "\n\033[4mValidating SHA1 checksums...\033[0m"
-sha1sum exa-linux-x86_64 exa-macos-x86_64 | tee SHA1SUMS
diff --git a/devtools/dev-help-testvm.sh b/devtools/dev-help-testvm.sh
deleted file mode 100644
index 0961792..0000000
--- a/devtools/dev-help-testvm.sh
+++ /dev/null
@@ -1,12 +0,0 @@
-# This file is like the other one, except for the testing VM.
-# It also gets dumped into /etc/motd.
-
-
-echo -e "
-\033[1;33mThe exa testing environment!\033[0m
-This machine is dependency-free, and can be used to test that
-released versions of exa still work on vanilla Linux installs.
-
-\033[4mCommands\033[0m
-\033[32;1mcheck-release\033[0m to download and verify released binaries
-"