function strtotime (text, now) {
  //  discuss at: http://locutus.io/php/strtotime/
  // original by: Caio Ariede (http://caioariede.com)
  // improved by: Kevin van Zonneveld (http://kvz.io)
  // improved by: Caio Ariede (http://caioariede.com)
  // improved by: A. Matías Quezada (http://amatiasq.com)
  // improved by: preuter
  // improved by: Brett Zamir (http://brett-zamir.me)
  // improved by: Mirko Faber
  //    input by: David
  // bugfixed by: Wagner B. Soares
  // bugfixed by: Artur Tchernychev
  // bugfixed by: Stephan Bösch-Plepelits (http://github.com/plepe)
  //      note 1: Examples all have a fixed timestamp to prevent
  //      note 1: tests to fail because of variable time(zones)
  //   example 1: strtotime('+1 day', 1129633200)
  //   returns 1: 1129719600
  //   example 2: strtotime('+1 week 2 days 4 hours 2 seconds', 1129633200)
  //   returns 2: 1130425202
  //   example 3: strtotime('last month', 1129633200)
  //   returns 3: 1127041200
  //   example 4: strtotime('2009-05-04 08:30:00 GMT')
  //   returns 4: 1241425800
  //   example 5: strtotime('2009-05-04 08:30:00+00')
  //   returns 5: 1241425800
  //   example 6: strtotime('2009-05-04 08:30:00+02:00')
  //   returns 6: 1241418600
  //   example 7: strtotime('2009-05-04T08:30:00Z')
  //   returns 7: 1241425800
  var parsed
  var match
  var today
  var year
  var date
  var days
  var ranges
  var len
  var times
  var regex
  var i
  var fail = false
  if (!text) {
    return fail
  }
  // Unecessary spaces
  text = text.replace(/^\s+|\s+$/g, '')
    .replace(/\s{2,}/g, ' ')
    .replace(/[\t\r\n]/g, '')
    .toLowerCase()
  // in contrast to php, js Date.parse function interprets:
  // dates given as yyyy-mm-dd as in timezone: UTC,
  // dates with "." or "-" as MDY instead of DMY
  // dates with two-digit years differently
  // etc...etc...
  // ...therefore we manually parse lots of common date formats
  var pattern = new RegExp([
    '^(\\d{1,4})',
    '([\\-\\.\\/:])',
    '(\\d{1,2})',
    '([\\-\\.\\/:])',
    '(\\d{1,4})',
    '(?:\\s(\\d{1,2}):(\\d{2})?:?(\\d{2})?)?',
    '(?:\\s([A-Z]+)?)?$'
  ].join(''))
  match = text.match(pattern)
  if (match && match[2] === match[4]) {
    if (match[1] > 1901) {
      switch (match[2]) {
        case '-':
          // YYYY-M-D
          if (match[3] > 12 || match[5] > 31) {
            return fail
          }
          return new Date(match[1], parseInt(match[3], 10) - 1, match[5],
          match[6] || 0, match[7] || 0, match[8] || 0, match[9] || 0) / 1000
        case '.':
          // YYYY.M.D is not parsed by strtotime()
          return fail
        case '/':
          // YYYY/M/D
          if (match[3] > 12 || match[5] > 31) {
            return fail
          }
          return new Date(match[1], parseInt(match[3], 10) - 1, match[5],
          match[6] || 0, match[7] || 0, match[8] || 0, match[9] || 0) / 1000
      }
    } else if (match[5] > 1901) {
      switch (match[2]) {
        case '-':
          // D-M-YYYY
          if (match[3] > 12 || match[1] > 31) {
            return fail
          }
          return new Date(match[5], parseInt(match[3], 10) - 1, match[1],
          match[6] || 0, match[7] || 0, match[8] || 0, match[9] || 0) / 1000
        case '.':
          // D.M.YYYY
          if (match[3] > 12 || match[1] > 31) {
            return fail
          }
          return new Date(match[5], parseInt(match[3], 10) - 1, match[1],
          match[6] || 0, match[7] || 0, match[8] || 0, match[9] || 0) / 1000
        case '/':
          // M/D/YYYY
          if (match[1] > 12 || match[3] > 31) {
            return fail
          }
          return new Date(match[5], parseInt(match[1], 10) - 1, match[3],
          match[6] || 0, match[7] || 0, match[8] || 0, match[9] || 0) / 1000
      }
    } else {
      switch (match[2]) {
        case '-':
          // YY-M-D
          if (match[3] > 12 || match[5] > 31 || (match[1] < 70 && match[1] > 38)) {
            return fail
          }
          year = match[1] >= 0 && match[1] <= 38 ? +match[1] + 2000 : match[1]
          return new Date(year, parseInt(match[3], 10) - 1, match[5],
          match[6] || 0, match[7] || 0, match[8] || 0, match[9] || 0) / 1000
        case '.':
          // D.M.YY or H.MM.SS
          if (match[5] >= 70) {
            // D.M.YY
            if (match[3] > 12 || match[1] > 31) {
              return fail
            }
            return new Date(match[5], parseInt(match[3], 10) - 1, match[1],
            match[6] || 0, match[7] || 0, match[8] || 0, match[9] || 0) / 1000
          }
          if (match[5] < 60 && !match[6]) {
            // H.MM.SS
            if (match[1] > 23 || match[3] > 59) {
              return fail
            }
            today = new Date()
            return new Date(today.getFullYear(), today.getMonth(), today.getDate(),
            match[1] || 0, match[3] || 0, match[5] || 0, match[9] || 0) / 1000
          }
          // invalid format, cannot be parsed
          return fail
        case '/':
          // M/D/YY
          if (match[1] > 12 || match[3] > 31 || (match[5] < 70 && match[5] > 38)) {
            return fail
          }
          year = match[5] >= 0 && match[5] <= 38 ? +match[5] + 2000 : match[5]
          return new Date(year, parseInt(match[1], 10) - 1, match[3],
          match[6] || 0, match[7] || 0, match[8] || 0, match[9] || 0) / 1000
        case ':':
          // HH:MM:SS
          if (match[1] > 23 || match[3] > 59 || match[5] > 59) {
            return fail
          }
          today = new Date()
          return new Date(today.getFullYear(), today.getMonth(), today.getDate(),
          match[1] || 0, match[3] || 0, match[5] || 0) / 1000
      }
    }
  }
  // other formats and "now" should be parsed by Date.parse()
  if (text === 'now') {
    return now === null || isNaN(now)
      ? new Date().getTime() / 1000 | 0
      : now | 0
  }
  if (!isNaN(parsed = Date.parse(text))) {
    return parsed / 1000 | 0
  }
  // Browsers !== Chrome have problems parsing ISO 8601 date strings, as they do
  // not accept lower case characters, space, or shortened time zones.
  // Therefore, fix these problems and try again.
  // Examples:
  //   2015-04-15 20:33:59+02
  //   2015-04-15 20:33:59z
  //   2015-04-15t20:33:59+02:00
  pattern = new RegExp([
    '^([0-9]{4}-[0-9]{2}-[0-9]{2})',
    '[ t]',
    '([0-9]{2}:[0-9]{2}:[0-9]{2}(\\.[0-9]+)?)',
    '([\\+-][0-9]{2}(:[0-9]{2})?|z)'
  ].join(''))
  match = text.match(pattern)
  if (match) {
    // @todo: time zone information
    if (match[4] === 'z') {
      match[4] = 'Z'
    } else if (match[4].match(/^([+-][0-9]{2})$/)) {
      match[4] = match[4] + ':00'
    }
    if (!isNaN(parsed = Date.parse(match[1] + 'T' + match[2] + match[4]))) {
      return parsed / 1000 | 0
    }
  }
  date = now ? new Date(now * 1000) : new Date()
  days = {
    'sun': 0,
    'mon': 1,
    'tue': 2,
    'wed': 3,
    'thu': 4,
    'fri': 5,
    'sat': 6
  }
  ranges = {
    'yea': 'FullYear',
    'mon': 'Month',
    'day': 'Date',
    'hou': 'Hours',
    'min': 'Minutes',
    'sec': 'Seconds'
  }
  function lastNext (type, range, modifier) {
    var diff
    var day = days[range]
    if (typeof day !== 'undefined') {
      diff = day - date.getDay()
      if (diff === 0) {
        diff = 7 * modifier
      } else if (diff > 0 && type === 'last') {
        diff -= 7
      } else if (diff < 0 && type === 'next') {
        diff += 7
      }
      date.setDate(date.getDate() + diff)
    }
  }
  function process (val) {
    // @todo: Reconcile this with regex using \s, taking into account
    // browser issues with split and regexes
    var splt = val.split(' ')
    var type = splt[0]
    var range = splt[1].substring(0, 3)
    var typeIsNumber = /\d+/.test(type)
    var ago = splt[2] === 'ago'
    var num = (type === 'last' ? -1 : 1) * (ago ? -1 : 1)
    if (typeIsNumber) {
      num *= parseInt(type, 10)
    }
    if (ranges.hasOwnProperty(range) && !splt[1].match(/^mon(day|\.)?$/i)) {
      return date['set' + ranges[range]](date['get' + ranges[range]]() + num)
    }
    if (range === 'wee') {
      return date.setDate(date.getDate() + (num * 7))
    }
    if (type === 'next' || type === 'last') {
      lastNext(type, range, num)
    } else if (!typeIsNumber) {
      return false
    }
    return true
  }
  times = '(years?|months?|weeks?|days?|hours?|minutes?|min|seconds?|sec' +
    '|sunday|sun\\.?|monday|mon\\.?|tuesday|tue\\.?|wednesday|wed\\.?' +
    '|thursday|thu\\.?|friday|fri\\.?|saturday|sat\\.?)'
  regex = '([+-]?\\d+\\s' + times + '|' + '(last|next)\\s' + times + ')(\\sago)?'
  match = text.match(new RegExp(regex, 'gi'))
  if (!match) {
    return fail
  }
  for (i = 0, len = match.length; i < len; i++) {
    if (!process(match[i])) {
      return fail
    }
  }
  return (date.getTime() / 1000)
}